PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE...REALLY IT IS!!!

Before we received our referral to adopt Asha, we had been used of waiting and having things not happen in OUR timing. We tried to have children on our own for just about six years. I can't say we ever got used to waiting and trying to become parents, but the wait was tolerated more easily over time. I guess we just got more patient or got accustomed to seeing our infertility treatments as being a part of our lives, what we needed to go through to become parents. What eventually gave us comfort was knowing that things would happen in God's timing. Days would go by, then weeks and months and when we weren't getting pregnant, I think we still had the outlook that at least we were doing SOMETHING - still reaching for our dream to parent, doing whatever we could. We at least felt in control! Looking back on that time in our lives I can see that we weren't the ones really in control at all. God was in the driver's seat all along, guiding us on the path He had planned for us. It is crazy to look back and think now that the plan all along was for us to go through the pain of infertility so that we could become the strong and compassionate people we are today, to be able to be the wonderful Mom and Dad that I know we will be.

The other night I was thinking...what if God said to me - "Desiree, I have the power to make you pregnant now but you would have to give up Asha and she would have to go with another family. What do you want me to do?" Without even a seconds hesitation, I know in my heart that I would choose Asha. She is already a part of my heart and soul...she is my little girl and without her I would be truly lost. To be able to see how I have changed so much over only a few years shocks me - going from a place of desperation with not being able to have my own biological child to a place of peace in knowing that my destiny all along was to be a Mom to Asha. Because of Asha I can now celebrate Mother's Day without tears of sadness but tears of joy because I AM A MOTHER...I have always been a Mother but Asha has made it "official".

Since we got our referral and have found out that we have a precious baby girl and that we are officially parents, the days, weeks and months go by so slowly. Days seem like weeks and weeks seem like months. The time drags along. I imagine it is because I KNOW she is out there. She is getting bigger and bigger as time goes on and I am not there to see her change and grow. It makes me sad knowing that there are so many things I am missing. Like her sitting on her own and crawling...she is already rocking this week on her hands and knees to try to crawl! She is making silly sounds and is mimicking everything you do! I have never met her in person but she gives me such joy and hearing her on the phone makes my chest heavy. She is the most beautiful gift we could have ever been given and yet she is so far away.

So today, more than anything else, what I am needing most is prayer (except for Asha of course...need her home most of all). Pray specifically for patience. Patience that the next four or five months go by quickly so that we can bring her home to her forever family. I find myself overly consumed with the fact that she is not here instead of focusing on the fact that she will be here soon. Please pray for me that I may feel comfort in this time of waiting and longing. Also pray for Asha, her foster parents Godrick and Lynda, for the country of St. Vincent, for our paperwork through Immigration in Trinidad and for the birth mother, whose heart must ache with the decision to place her daughter up for adoption. She had enough courage and strength to make the decision to place Asha with a family who can care for all her needs and because of that, we have so much love and respect for her. Thank you also to everyone who has been praying for us already and who has been following along side us in our journey to parenthood. We feel blessed and honored to have so many supportive friends and family.